Shitty shitty bang bang

I am glad to be the one telling you this story so you didn't have to get it from a secondary source. Like an obituary or on CNN.

Last week I sat down to make a payment on my car when I noticed a truly wonderous thing. There, before my eyes and God, the number next to "Payments Remaining" dropped from 10 to 9. Single digit! I allowed myself a brief moment to imagine a world without car payments...a world I would soon live in.

Unfortunately at that very moment the high tech mind control devices that are constantly circling the globe and wreaking all kinds of havoc picked up on this thought and sent an emergency message to the Ford Motor Company telling them that they currently had a client who was very close to, gasp, paying off one of their cars! Spies at Ford sprang into action and immediately dispensed a rogue vehicle in the guise of a 1989 Red Ford Bronco, which has long been designated as the "Devil's Car" to find and destroy me.

Which it did. Here's what it looks like when a Ford Focus going thirty miles an hour gets hit by a Ford Bronco going seventy miles an hour (in a 30mph zone no less!):











Anyone have any ideas on what kind of new car I should buy?

My husband's seat was actually broken off the treads and we were pushed into oncoming traffic. I managed to stop before I hit anyone else and in the meantime the Bronco was smashing into another car (obviously closing in on their last payments as well) before crashing full force into the side of the police station, wheels a-spinnin', foot on the gas. I was so disorientated that I was walking around asking everyone there, "Did I hit you? Did I hit you?"

It was a scene.

It was not immediately clear what was wrong with the psychotic woman that hit us, eyewitness accounts told me that she was either asleep or stoned, I shall find out today when I pick up the police report but the fact that she hit two cars and a building and climbed out of her car completely unfazed tells me that she was probably up to no good. She also had a child of about seven or eight in the car with her.

Tess was not in the car with us, which is really fortunate, considering the amount of broken glass that ended up in the car seat. I had to trash the car seat along with my car which is, of course, totalled and I got a new one over the weekend that my insurance company will cover. They won't cover my carriage and stroller which were in the trunk because those are not items that technically go in a trunk. As Jill eloquently put it, "A fucking Ford Bronco wasn't supposed to go in your trunk either but it did!"


Brandon and I were not hurt although we are very, very sore and I am going to see the doctor tonight to get checked out because my back is still a little spastic. The claims guy from the insurance company said that had we been stopped when she hit us we probably would have been killed on impact.

So far my 2008 is fucking fabulous, how's yours?