A gift from God

If you really want something, and really work hard, and take advantage of opportunities, and never give up, you will find a way.

-Jane Goodall

You tell 'em Jane.

This weekend I was probably as close to a spiritual epiphany as I will ever come. The culmination of years of effort and tears was thrust into my lap and I received absolution in a way that I would never in a million years imagine.

This was God. Telling me, "Hey yeah, I'm up here!"

Get ready for this. This. Is. Unreal.

Wednesday

Phone call from my husband:

Brandon-I have to tell you something.

Brooke-Tell me.

Brandon-Ok, I got a call at work today telling me that there is an agent coming here to scout this location for a video (Brandon is the director of a big roller rink in the community center a town over). The video is for a song by Teddy Thompson.

Brooke-Teddy Thompson...I know that name, why do I know that name?

Brandon-Think about it a sec.

Brooke-Teddy Thompson, Teddy Thompson...OHMYGOD! That's the guy who sang King of the Road with Rufus Wainwright on the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack!!!

(Yes, if Rufus has sung something somewhere, I know about it)

Brandon-Yup. Now, his agent is coming here, do you want me to ask him if he knows anything about what Rufus is up to?

Brooke-Yes! Yesyesyes!!!

Now you all remember Rufus, don't you? Sure! Rufus of video contest fame. The contest that my sister and I TWICE tried and failed to win here and here? You remember the heartache when we lost? The tears?

Yup. Still not over that.

I went out to the supermarket and when I came back my sister was in the kitchen. "You need to call Brandon right now," she said.

"Did he tell you something?"

"Call him. Now."

So I called Brandon and when he picked up the first words out of his mouth were, "Don't freak out, ok?"

Okay...

Brandon spoke to Teddy Thompson's agent and mentioned that he knew that Teddy Thompson had collaborated with Rufus at one point and did they have any plans to do any future projects together. The agent, a very nice guy named Ray, said, "Oh! If your wife is a big fan of Rufus' you should bring her to the shoot. He's in the video. He'll be there."

OhmydearGod!!!!

I screamed. I couldn't help it. The shoot was scheduled for Saturday at a rink in Staten Island and we were invited guests of the agent in charge of it all!!! RUFUS was being HANDED to us on a silver platter!!!






We were asked to arrive around 6:00 on Saturday evening and bring, mysteriously, a candelabra if we had one. We didn't, but we wanted to please the Rufus people so Amanda and I combed about fifty stores until we managed to finally locate one.

Candelabra in hand...we set off.

Saturday

We arrived at the rink as little more than bundles of exposed nerve endings. We knew next to nothing about what to expect so when we were shown into a big room with food all laid out and a bunch of people setting up we were certain that Rufus was lurking amongst the throngs and that is probably why I got nervous and dropped our carefully selected candelabra right on the floor in front of everyone. All the candleholders popped out and rolled every which way. Fortunately, he was not there yet.

We were told to sit and eat but Amanda and I were far too jittery to complete such a complicated task so we just sat and drank diet Pepsi while Brandon had a nosh. This picture was taken during that time and I think it's fair to say that Amanda and I have the glow of lunacy in our eyes...Brandon just looks embarrassed to be with us.





You may also noticed that we were far far more dressed up than anyone in a roller rink should be. Amanda looked like she was going to a corporate disco and I looked like I was attending a Barbie Clothes Convention, if there is such a thing. You can't see my feet but I was sporting hot pink stilettos to go with my hot pink sweater. We planned out attire very carefully only to arrive and notice that we were the only people whose clothes had not been deliberately shredded.

It was clear that things were not underway yet so we wandered outside to a little veranda that had been set up so that you could exit the steady boom-boom of the rink. Amanda and I were freaking out. We were so completely freaked that we failed to notice Teddy Thompson, the fellow whose video this actually WAS and who we had previously claimed to be big fans of so we could butter up the agent. Big fans that we were, we obviously wouldn't have known him if we fell over him since we sat next to him for ten minutes without noticing who he was. Eventually our meager brains kicked in and we said hello and thank you for having us. It was rather an awkward meeting but we were under tremendous stress. Teddy Thompson, fortunately, was a very nice guy who did not seem like he expected us to go all nutty over him. There was still no sign of Rufus so for the next four hours we passed the time by skating until the rink was suddenly taken over by seven thousand INSANELY professional skaters who went so fast and performed so many complicated dance maneuvers that we were in immediate danger of being knocked to the ground and run over. Instead, we amused ourselves by watching the girl who was Teddy Thompson's partner in the video. We could not quite figure out why this girl was cast, first of all because she looked like a rodent but mainly because she could not stand up, let alone dance, on skates and had to be dragged from location to location so that she could stand still and wave her arms around while someone held her up. At one point she had to do a complete turn and it took her about three and a half minutes to get all the way around. It was quite a show and we didn't even have to pay for it.

Eventually, after five hours on skates and no sign of Rufus we went to the outdoor patio to pout over the injustice of it all. Suddenly, a white van pulled into the lot, the door opened, Rufus popped out and Amanda and I proceeded to lose our shit, as is made evident in this short clip:




Teddy Thompsom Video Shoot 011.avi


You can see that rational thought was not really at the top of our list. Would it surprise you to learn that thirty seconds after that video was shot Rufus came outside and stood less than five feet from us for a good five minutes while we sat there completely openmouthed and mute? Because he did. Any normal person would have just approached him at this point but Amanda and I are not normal and convention is not our strong suit. Which is the only way I can really explain what we decided to do next.

Rufus went back inside. We followed him (on skates, mind you). We located him in the locker area, ALSO changing into skates. Rufus was going to skate! This was very good news. If he was not an especially good skater this would be EXCELLENT news.

He would be that much easier to catch.

So, briefly delving into the persona of a hyperactive tenth grader with a crush on the captain of the football team, Amanda and I pulled that age old trick whereby you pretend you are taking a picture of something while you are actually taking a picture of something else entirely. Girls know all about this trick.





Having no idea that we were there he was unmoved by this act of blatant love and instead rolled past us and on to the rink. This, we knew, was the time to skate.

All of a sudden our skating skills went through the roof. We did not hit the rink in a lazy daisy fashion. We went hard core. We were after our man. We looked just like this:





Around and around we went, two whole times, tailing Rufus as close as was humanly possible without physically running him over when I was suddenly hit with a bout of anxiety over the enormity of what we were trying to accomplish. This was Rufus! And we were chasing him! On roller skates.

We immediately exited and just stood on the sidelines, openmouthed, watching Rufus go round and round. At one point, he looked at us with a kind of recognition that might have been, "Hey, those girls from the video!" or else "Oh shit! Those girls from the video!" In either case, we knew we needed help.

Enter Chester. The unofficial historian of the entire roller skating industry. Friend of Brandon's and the nicest man in the whole world. Chester was delighted that Amanda and I were there to support the video and the rink and would be more than happy to ask Rufus to come over and say hello! The only thing he needed was for one of us to point him out and so Chester and I stood at the side of the rink until Rufus passed within inches of us and I began pointing and screaming, "THERE HE IS CHESTER, THERE HE IS, HE'S RIGHT THERE!!!!"

Chester told us to go wait outside.

We convened by the back door and watched, frozen in terror as Chester approached Rufus, spoke to him, pointed to us and then (gasp!) they both began to come toward us.

I don't know what the hell I said, or what Amanda said, or what anyone said, all I remember is skating outside, with Rufus skating outside right next to me and saying a bunch of stuff including, "OhmyGod! We entered your video contest TWO TIMES!" and Rufus saying, "No way!" and then suddenly we were all bunched up and people were taking a whole mess of pictures, which I just happen to have right here!








AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After all this time!!!

Now, I had imagined potential circumstances under which I might have the chance to finally meet Rufus and I have to say that this was not exactly chief among them. I am not complaining though because it is quite possible that we are the ONLY rabid Rufus fans (and believe me, there are a lot more than you think) that have roller skated with him.

That's not all.

After our triumphant meet and greet, we went back inside because filming was to begin. Which was when the agent, Ray, noticed Amanda and I in our skates. Which is when he asked us if we would like to be in the video. Would we???? Yes, we would!
The filming was to take place from 1:00 a.m. until 5:00 which was a little longer than we had anticipated. The crux of the video was to take place in one corner of the rink, Teddy Thompson and band would be singing the song, Rufus would be pushed out playing a pipe organ topped with OUR candelabra and about fifteen of us would be skating past them the whole time.

Amanda and I were easily the worst skaters there. The other people were there to show off their very vast skating talents which included things like triple axles and headstands while spinning around and Amanda and I were very lucky to be able to circle the rink and clap at the same time. In the beginning, we did fairly well...








Especially since Rufus was sitting on the couch right in front of the rink entrance and watching us go around for about two hours straight. Which was slightly unnerving. Imagine you finally get to meet your all time favorite famous person...and you are forced to roller skate in front of them for hours on end. If that isn't pure Kafka, I don't know what is.

After about one thousand turns we were ready to do some takes for the video. We all lined up, music started and off we skated. Skate, clap, skate, clap, cut. Again! Skate, clap, skate, clap and cut. Again! And again and again and...again. Before long, I was tired. Which is why what came next was such unwelcome news.

We were going to do it one last time. But we needed to make a much smaller and tighter circle. It was 3:30 in the morning. We had been on skates since 8:00 the night before.

Off we went. Small circle, small circle...floor.

I went down. Really, really hard.

I was horribly embarrassed, so I jumped right up, ignoring the fact that my legs were screaming at me for my utter lack of loyalty. I went around again and in the same damn spot as before BOOM! I was down again...and this time I couldn't get up.

A very nice man who was probably wondering how I had made it there with my utter lack of skill helped me up and over to the side. By that time the take was over and everyone was skating off so I just laid on the side of the rink wondering where my hearing had gone. Amanda skated over and I could barely see her for the numerous fuzzy black dots that were swimming in front of my eyes. She was telling me something but damned if I could tell what it was.

It was, "GET UP!!!"

I shouldn't have been surprised. I have a long history of fainting in front of Rufus.

Brandon came over. He said, in a very loving husband kind of way, "That second time you fell Rufus saw you, you know!"

We stumbled outside only to find Teddy Thompson out there having a smoke and I apologized for sucking in his video. He said, "Aw no! You were brilliant!" in a very British way, to which I replied, "No, I was terrible! And now I have no kneecaps!" He said that kneecaps were highly overrated and then began to badger Amanda into eating pancakes. He was passionate about those pancakes, Teddy was.

I have to disagree on the knees though. This is what mine looked like the next day:








That's ok, my arms still work.

That, my friends is the end of my tale. Many things transpired...but we got to meet Rufus and skate with him and it was all worth it. I am sure I forgot something crucial that Amanda will point out in comments, so check for that but for now...I am content.